Dope

In one word Dope is Dope.
Cast
Written and directed by Rick Famuyiwa and starring Shameik Moore, Tony Revolori, Kiersey Clemons, Kimberly Elise, Chanel Iman, Tyga, Blake Anderson, Zoë Kravitz, and A$AP Rocky. The film was produced by Forest Whitaker, executive produced by Pharrell Williams, and co-executive produced by Sean Combs.
Plot:
Dope is a movie about a brilliant boy Malcom Adekanbi and his 2 geek sidekicks, who stays in a rough side of town with his single mother who is a bus driver. Malcom and his 2 best friends are stuck in the 90s which is an irony because they are millennial kids. Malcom’s story gets interesting when he stops to talk to one of the ‘bad boys’ in the neighbourhood, in the bid to outrun a cliq of bullies, they strike a conversation about his 90’s dress sense and love for 90’s pop culture and everything goes slippery slope(you have to watch the movie to kinda understand the term as it was used more than twice ) from there.

Impressive Characters
Malcom is someone who is smart but then he feels he is too smart and that could have easily been his downfall. When he finally does something out of character he doesn’t feel remorse, if anything, he only felt fear. Malcom’s character shows that we all have a choices and good or bad, we must own them.
Dom: I didn’t have an inkling that ASAP Rocky could act which is a welcome surprise, his scenes weren’t much. It was enough to have him seen but not enough for him to get over whelmed and get the character all tangled up. his character also an intelligent dope dealer if I may add. He started the slippery slope movement.lol
Stacey: the school guard who turns a blind eye to the metal detector reacting to Malcom’s bag, he’ld rather believe the machine is broken than check ‘’innocent ’Malcom. He is also seen talking to the head of the bullies who was trying to steal from Malcom saying ‘’i’m from the hood,grew up with your daddy’’ this character basically gives hope, although been a security guard in a school isn’t particularly on top of the food chain but has gone on to make a honest living for himself.

Movie Analysis.
What the director did was brilliant, casting new faces at least not so popular faces, showing that a boy from the hood could dream big of getting into Harvard and also working hard for it, Trying to get a girl that is way out of his league.The story line involved Malcom having a dead beat father who is Nigerian, I was almost mad at that until I thought to myself, dead beat fathers come from all races,and socio economic class, I feel the Director was just trying to pay homage to his Nigerian roots and I definitely cant be mad at that. Its better than being an internet fraudstar I guess. His subtle hints about Nigeria from Malcom’s surname to his pendent at school which had a Nigerian Flag’s colour endeared me to the movie and thankfully no one was required to speak ‘Nigerian’’.
The use of a popular face like that of Kimberly Elise ( from For coloured girls and Dairy of a Mad black woman) could have easily overshadowed the newbies but No, she was just a single mother who’s role was to attend to her son the main character and she did just that. Rick Fox also made an appearance as councilman and I can call that scene ‘Half scene’.
One of my favourite part of the movie has to be when Malcom had to point a gun at the cliq of bullies you could feel the fear of what he was about to do, and the fact that he was holding a piece for the first time was also evident.
My best part of the movie was when he changed his thesis. Faced the camera and practically summed his life story in 3 minutes or less. Shows its such a bad thing not to fit into what society expects.
Only thing I didn’t like about the directing was in Malcom’s costume. The hair looked like a hairpiece infact I think I saw it move more than once.
Dope  is a really good movie with a great cast and a fantastic director.

Funke Akindele and the Dearth of the Jenifa Character

Anyone who doesn’t like Funke Akindele should please gerrrraoutta here as in all the way ourra this post. I love her versatility. Have you seen her in Tunde Kelani’s Maami? When you compare her performance in that film to her performance in Jenifa, you have no choice than to come to the conclusion that Funke can act.
Her other roles worthy of mention include having to play juxtaposing characters in Omo Ghetto, and her first recognized role in the TV series I Need To Know As where she appeared as a naive secondary school student just figuring out her path in life. These all show how far she has come.
However, the movie that took Funke’s career to stratospheric heights was The Adventures of Jenifa part 1 and 2. Her antics in those films would make you fall off your chair in laughter. Her ‘I must belong’ adventures in them are second to none. Not that people haven’t attempted telling that same story, it was Funke’s delivery of the title character Jenifa that made it impeccable.
Jenifa 3 came out to the usual fanfare that now heralded the Jenifa films. People came out en-mass to watch it at the cinemas and even though some commented that it wasn’t as good as the previous parts, fans still showed their support.
All this changed when Funke and her production company announced plans to air a TV series focused on the Jenifa character. It seemed fans had had enough of Jenifa.
Despite this backlash, the series Jenifa’s Diary started airing on TV. The series in its simplest form is basically more adventures of Jenifa in series form. So from episode to episode, you follow her life while she’s trying to navigate her way in a world where she clearly doesn’t fit in. There are also so many celebrity cameos in every episode, the question is, why isn’t it catching on?
The obvious answer would be that she is over doing it. Yes, the Jenifa movies were fun to watch but now, the cow that is the Jenifa character is now dry. Its surprising Funke hasn’t seen this yet. I get that she wants to continue the Jenifa franchise, but there are other ways with which she could have achieved this. She could have given the character itself a break and focused on other characters interesting characters in the Jenifa world. Characters like Shakki, Izoduwa and Peju with the right script have the ability to carry their own series. Jenifa doesn’t have to be the central character. She could just add credence to the series by making well timed appearances.
Mispronounced Grammar, a horrible dress sense and exaggerated acting can only take you so far.
Do you agree with this article? Do you think Jenifa’s Diaries is okay as it is? Let us know in the comment section.

5 Lessons Lagos Public Transport Will Teach You

danfo2This is no handbook or manual, instead these are just facts on how to survive while taking public transport in Lagos.
Lagos is pretty small but the distance from the island to Mainland is allegedly the same distance from Lagos to Benin (no jokes). I once heard a story where a dude went to drop his friend who was travelling to South Africa at the airport and was still on 3rd mainland bridge when the friend called to say he had landed in SA #TrueStory.
I’m sure people who work on the Island and stay on the Mainland can relate to this article.

We often see JJCs (Johnny Just Come) who are visiting Lagos for the first time think this commute is a piece of cake. But when they experience it once or twice, they begin to sing a new tune.

Leaving your Mainland abode by 4:30am and getting to work by 9am is the easy part. Finding your way back to the Mainland is the hard part. So all you wannabe Lagosians, please pay close attention to the following life lessons from using the public transport system in Lagos.

Know Your Route
Like everything in life, you need to know what you want. In this case, know where you are headed. When you get to the bus stop, shout it loud and clear that you are going to Lekki phase 1 bus stop. Not Lekki Phase 2, Lekki Estate and definitely not “Somewhere in Lekki.” You need to know the exact bus to enter so you don’t get lost and then go through the stress of tracing your steps back. Ask your neighbours, ask relatives. This will go a long way in helping you locate your intended destination. I once entered the wrong bus and o boy it was not a funny experience. This happened because I had stayed too long at the bus stop and all I wanted to do was just get home by hook or crook. So, I suggest you are calm, calculative and alert when you find yourself at any bus stop because in Lagos, Rush hour is war hour.

Recognition Is Key
Some people won’t recognise what they want even if it slaps them in the face. This kind of attitude would not work in ‘Gidi. I pride myself on being able to recognise at least 5 of the many danfo buses and even the BRT ones that ply my route daily. So whenever I see or even hear them, I prepare myself mentally, emotionally and physically. Familiarise yourself with the type, colour and even the make of buses going your route. It’s not as hard as it sounds trust me. It’s pretty easy. In fact take a week to observe so you get conversant with it and not miss it.

Struggle
The saying ”Only the strong survive”, best sums up the Lagos transport system. Even though things have gotten easier with the introduction of BRT buses and private cab services, people like us who still have to use danfos and Okadas have to be cut throat. Nothing in life is going to be handed to you; you have to take it by force. Out of the 1million people at the bus stop, there is a chance that 50% of them are going your route and it’s just a 14 seater bus in sight and you’ve been waiting at that bus stop for at least 1h30mins. This moment cannot pass you by. It is shove or be shoved. At the same time, please keep your bag and valuables close to avoid stories that touch.

Be Street Smart
I’m yet to meet someone who will successfully define what being street smart means. But if i was to give it a go, I’d say being street smart is being street smart. You can’t always play by the textbook. When on the street, you have to be extra perceptive. You should know when to run, when to hide, when to walk, when to talk and when to just keep your mouth shut. Tap into your inner agbero. Hell, this is Lagos. You need to learn how to enter into a vehicle in motion, and also protect your valuables all at the same time. It’s easy, oyinbo people call it called multitasking.

‘Forming’ Won’t Get You Anywhere
If you are prone to ‘forming’, the Lagos public transport system is not for you. Examples abound of guys while forming for girls, passed their intended destination because they could not scream out OWA! when the vehicle approached the bus stop. Or of girls who in the act of forming could not do the same because they didn’t want the other passengers to hear their strong tribal accents. So if you feel the bus conductor would strain himself trying to hear you speak, or mind that you and that fine girl have been maintaining eye contact since you boarded, then you are on your own.

Conclusion
Congratulations, JJC. Having assimilated these tips you are now on your merry way home. All you have to do is contend with the 4 hour traffic, don’t worry you’ll be fine, no one ever died from too much go slow. WELCOME TO LAGOS.

An Account of Happiness: My Amazing Afropolitan Vibes Experience

Afropolitan vibes---PICTURE

On my way to Freedom Park, I looked over my shoulders to see my friends shouting on the top of their lungs to Burna Boy’s Like to party. As the turnt generation, we’ve learnt to put ourselves in the ‘party mood’ even before we get to the party. My mind then drifted to how we got here in the 1st place.
I had a long day at work and to relax, I gingered my friends to go see/witness Afropolitan vibes. I had seen an ad for Afropolitan vibes while surfing the internet earlier in the week and I just figured it was the world trying to tell me something, so why not give it a try. Didn’t have anything to lose so my friends and I started our journey to Freedom Park.
It was my first time there and I was amazed at the amount of cars parked by the road and every available space, trust Lagos ‘hustlers’ making use of every available office car park to park guests and make a little more for themselves as per ‘happy weekend’ .
Maybe it was because it was Felabration night which was in honour of Fela and also Thomas Sankara, but there was a very long queue towards the gate and surprisingly it was moving quite fast. We purchased our tickets and in my true form first thing I observed was the ‘Africaness’ of the people in attendance. Even though some of them had oyinbo accents, most people had natural hair or some form of African print on. I saw a crowd gathered close to the stage and I quickly joined in, no place to sit in site so the only option was to stand.

Afropolitan crowd
Ade Bantu was belting out the song Listen Attentively with his amazing live band and backup singers. After he was done, He introduced the first guest of the night Yinka Davis. Who in my opinion is the most energetic female performer in Nigeria. With her incredible voice, she got people moving and I especially liked her rendition of Owo ( the song which was featured in Tunde Kelani’s hit film Maami) and it was exceptional. Before she got off the stage, she gave Ade Bantu props for his hard work and stagemanship. Stating she couldn’t match his stage dexterity.

Yinka Davis
Adekunle Gold then took to the stage heralded by screams. He had an expression of shock because everyone sang along to his hit songs Orente and Sade including the adlibs and also instrumentals, yea we were in deep.

gOld
The crowd at Freedom Park if handpicked wouldn’t have done any better, because when the Ghanaian Gyedu – Blay Ambolle came on stage despite not knowing any of his songs, the crowd was quick to catch on, move to his afro beat and hip life tunes (I’m still looking for where to buy his songs)

Amm
What kind of gathering would Afropolitan vibes(Felabration special) be without any of Fela’s original songs? Showboy knew exactly what the crowd wanted and did justice to Fela’s Shakara and added his own sass to it which wowed all those present.

showbowy
Burna Boy finally took the stage. , even though his set was affected by a faulty microphone, that didn’t deter the crowd. Note that at this point, everywhere was quite stuffy and people were already sweaty. They didn’t seem to mind as we all kept yelling his song word for word. I must give kudos to the technical team at the show as they fixed the sound problem in less than three minutes. This was met by a thunderous applause from the crowd.

Burna Boy Afropolitan
Going further, Burna was so carried away by the crowd, he started removing every piece of clothing he had on save for his trousers although some people wanted that off too. He then performed a freestyle that had the crowd going wild, a conscious tune that spoke about the ills of the society in true Fela fashion.
And with that, we came to the end of my first ever Afropolitan Vibes happiness. I had a permanent smile of my face till I got home.

Things observed.
• People felt at home, even going on stage to dance which was a wonderful sight to behold.
• The song Lagos Jump is a JAMMMMM! When Ade Bantu performed it, I haven’t seen so many people jump at the same time, like we were all under hypnosis.
• There should be a platform where CDs of the night’s show is sold or can be downloaded or bought online.
• Afropolitan vibes doesn’t have a sponsor which is too sad to be true. What are all this corporate bodies looking at? This is a great way to advertise your brand!!!

CrowdBantu
Note to self:
Next month I’m wearing sneakers, getting ready to stand for another eventful 4 hours,.

About Afropolitan vibes
Afropolitan Vibes is a monthly live music concert in Nigeria which exists as a platform for alternative music. Contemporary singer/songwriters and musicians perform mostly original works that are firmly rooted in African musical origins of Afrobeat, Afrofunk, Afro-hiphop, Afro-pop, and Highlife. All acts perform with the 12 piece Bantu collective.
A host of talented artists gather each month to rehearse and then perform with Bantu/Crew on stage at freedom park. The show is held every third Friday of each month. No miming is allowed at the shows.

Photo Credits:Afropolitan vibes Facebook page 

to view more pictures go to https://www.facebook.com/afropolitanvibes

Lil Kesh’s depreciating lyrics

Just tired

Lyrically was Lil Kesh’s coming out song and with guns blazing, he was indeed a YBNL solider not just figuratively but literarily he marched forward and shocked people with dope lyrics making fans and foes along the way. He followed that hit with the dance anthem Shoki and not only did the song go viral, its accompanying dance step went viral also. Then came Shoki remix which featured a bit of sexual content. This was enough to make people know that Kesh was no longer a small boy,he had matured and he meant business. His next song Gbese was a hit. The raw lyrics made listeners realise that Lil Kesh was getting more and more explicit.
After the release of Ladi off the Olamide and Phyno Album 2 Kings which he featured on, he officially became the recent King of explicit content. As if that was not enough, he released Efejoku which featured lyrics that would make any parent cringe. With the release of this song, Kesh also confirmed the low level of effort put into making his music. He has become a ‘same tune, same lyrics’ artiste.
His recent effort Is It Because I Love You ft Patoranking prompted this article. And surprise surprise, it had the same overused lyrics about sex. The thing about singing about sex is that the listener quickly becomes tired.
Lil Kesh seems to be oblivious to this. It was fun to listen to in Gbese but now, listening to his lyrics about sex is becoming old. Musicians sing about other things like love which has different components like heart break, true love, and unreciprocated love etc,these are materials all from the same theme but for sex, it’s just a one way street and I hope he realises this in time because even his label owner Olamide mixes up his lyrical content. For example he went from Story for the gods (Explicit) to a Shakitibobo (conscious music) to Melo Melo(love song) to Lagos Boys(feel good jam). Why can’t Lil Kesh just take a cue from him?
Another important question is how did Lil Kesh go from been lyrically fit to being unlyrically balanced? Will he find his way back or just wait till we finally can’t take his same ol’ nonsense he spews out in the name of lyrics ? Only time would tell.

Movie Review: Black November

I finally got a chance to watch the highly touted film Black November and here are my thoughts about it.
Cast: Mbong Amata, Hakeem Kae-Kazim,Fred Amata,Dede Mabiaku Mickey Rourke, Kim Basinger, Sarah Wayne Callies, Nse Ikpe Etim, OC Ukeje, Vivica Fox, , Akon, Wyclef Jean.
Director:Jeta Amata

Plot/Production
It’s quite simple. The movie details the struggle of the people of Nigeria’s Niger-Delta region. The main Character Ebiere, a bright young girl who grew up in the Niger-Delta region and then got a scholarship from one of the Oil firms to go study abroad. After her studies she comes home on the same day her mother gets killed in a pipeline explosion. Things in that region don’t work, they keep getting exploited, people lose their lives and then the community decides to fight back which leads to violence.
‘Black November, which derived its title from the month in which activist Ken Saro-Wiwa was executed in 1995, it is a reissued version of the 2011 film Black Gold. Approximately 60% of the scenes were reshot and additional scenes were added to make the film “more current”. Black November is produced by Bernard Alexander, Ori Ayonmike, Marc Byers, Wilson Ebiye, Hakeem Kae-Kazim and Dede Mabiaku; production and marketing costs of the film totalled at US$22 million.’ (culled from Wikipedia)
Marriage of Hollywood, Nollywood ,Musicwood and the overuse of fake African accent
The movie is a marriage of Hollywood, Nollywood and Musicwood (Wyclef and Akon)and the only thing I find more annoying than a Nigerian giving a fake oyinbo accent is a non Nigerian trying to do ‘the African accent.’ it is painful to watch and very annoying and that’s what both Wyclef and Akon (honorary Nigerians)did.Shouting out their lines, making exaggerated faces all in the name of acting and worst of all using a fake African accent this made the acting unbelievable and ridiculous.
Some characters did not bring their A Game
Ebiere’s character was a good strong woman, a leader and revolutionary who believed in the law and the use of dialogue and peace to solve conflicts. But all her uprightness is lost all of a sudden when she decides to tell a lie so as to be a martyr. Mbong Amata played the role and without mincing words, did no justice to it at all on the other hand ,Dede the rebel leader played by Hakeem Kae Kazim is very impressive. Kazim played his part well, but he had one or two moments where he exaggerated his speech to sound ‘Nigerian’ and his lack of chemistry with his love interest Ebiere was very obvious and unmissable.
Was the Hollywood cast Necessary?
The rest of the Hollywood cast did well to some extent although most were unnecessary. I liked the fact that they weren’t unnecessarily dwelled on except for Western Oil Employee (Ivar Brogger) and CEO Western Oil(Mickey Rourke) whose acting is really bad and one can’t tell if it’s because he is a bad actor or just bad plastic surgery since his face had no expression whatsoever. You had to strain to hear the sound he was making to figure out if his mood.
Too many differences
Black November had a lot of stunt scenes , I was expecting more creative adroitness but it ended up been average (by Nigerian standards). There was also a noticeable difference between the scenes shot abroad and those shot in Nigeria. Especially the mourning and the raiding of the community scenes. It looked too much like a set and not one in Nigeria too. The difference also includes camera quality. The shooting scenes at the ‘dialogue/resolution’ point was not great, I expected it to be more realistic and the blood looked like something from a 90’s Amata movie.
This differences might have stemmed from the production of the movie since it is a combination of ‘2 movies’ and I bet none other could have pulled it off and made it work the way Jeta did
Conclusion
Black November really tells the story from the inhabitants point of view. These are the people who are affected greatly by the oil spillage in the Niger Delta. It also details the reasons (although without condoning it) these people chose to kidnap foreign nationals. I also liked the fact that there really wasn’t a happy ending because if history has taught us anything, stories like Black November hardly end well.

5 songs I’m going to be playing all day in no particular order.

  • Hot line bling-Drake

You used to call me on my cellphone, late night when you need my love’”

The opening of the song just got me hooked. Drake sounds  like a pained lover whose significant other has moved on for better/ worse (according to him) without him. The song really strikes a chord ,and i fell in love from the opening line. If the song is from his real life situation(s), then he shouldn’t blame the girl, because it seems like she used to be a really good girl before she turned bad,(Rihanna style) and everyone knows Drake and Rihanna had a thing, guess the lover decided to step up her game leaving him behind. Anyways away from the analysis, the song is  true to drake style,I never get tired of his singing and rap style.  The song is doooope.

2)Better thing- Mr 2Kay

First time I heard any of Mr 2kay’s song was bubugagga and just like the name it was really bubugagga aka gibberish . Next I heard was summer girl and I officially wasn’t paying attention anymore because the songs didn’t just do anything for me, didn’t even stick but then I heard Bad girl Special and I’m like ok, this isn’t bad and whoever told him to do the remix with Cynthia Morgan and Seyi Shay deserves a standing ovation, they both brought their A-Game and killed the track. Now he had our attention and what did he do with it, he made a smart move and released better thing. Well I didn’t know he could siiiinnngggg, he exercised his vocal cords, this wasn’t a bunch of gibberish, it made sense, every single thing he said made perfect sense because it’s the world we leave in, we leave our conscience and true love to follow better thing because really, who no like better thing?

3)How deep is your love-Calvin Harris

I thought it was going to be a knock off version of  Sean Paul and Kelly Rowland’s 2012 version of the song with the same title and although it bares the similarities in lyrics which is majorly the comparisms of the depth of the love with the depth of the ocean , you can’t just help but move to the  beat  and the hypnotic repetition, rhyme and play on words make it more enjoyable and this is reflected in the Video of the song.

4)Right now: Seyi Shay

This lady can sing and is mega talented at times I feel she should just leave r&b  and focus on reggae because her tunes are just out of this world. First time I heard the song was at a hangout where a lady was on stage singing because it was their lifeband night and  I was so taken by the song until someone close to me commented and said, this song is new now, how did this lady learn the lyrics sooo soon and  when I enquired for the name of the original musician and I heard Seyi shey, I just went straight to download and only then did I realise the  life band aunty didn’t do justice to the song at all. Seyi is a bad ass despite the fact that I don’t like the Sade Adu’s  borrowered lyrics,and in a true Seyi Shay fashion, there is a very interesting video for the song.That song is my love  jam right now  to the end of the year.

Baddest-Dj Neptune, Olamide, Stonebwoy and BOJ

I’m not a huge fan of Djs making songs because I really do not understand what for since they can’t perform these  songs because they  actually didn’t sing in it, they  can only hype. This song is my off the hook, heard it and didn’t realise it was Olamide rapping,everyone on the track brought it including the producer Pheelz who incorporated the Azonto Tune just when everyone has moved on to Shoki . BOJ’s voice is pricceeelesssss and it was a very good  1st of Oct song for me(1st time I heard it). I just hope the video does justice to the song.

5 things that don’t guarantee a successful Nigerian music video

I love music videos, maybe my love for movies informed my love for the music videos, for me the longer the better, I love the directors who take time to have the initial skit that lasts for 3/4mins before the 4 min song itself. To me it’s like watching a mini movie and this brings me to my post of Things that SURELY doesn’t guarantee a good music video in Nigeria
1) Half naked girls
In between Nicki Minaj and all those American rap artistes that feature 10/10(Instagram celebrities, Barbie looking, curvatious)video vixens, No one wants to see girls with cellulite, over bleached, stiff and even drooling(all in the name of looking sexy) Nigerian video vixens. Its soooo not cool. In fact it’s disgusting. We got over seeing half naked girls when Ibinabo Fiberesima featured in Blakky’s ‘bang belle’ music video in THAT swimsuit. Google if you don’t remember.
2) Bringing all the celebrities to your shoot:
Choi, this is the quite tricky. You being a celeb and having celebrity friends doesn’t mean that when it’s time for your video shoot, bringing all of them together can guarantee the success of your video. Ok I’ll give an example of a good and bad concept in this context.
Remember Banky W’s Jaiye Ori Mi video where people like Waje, Praise and Lynxx, made an appearance in the very cool concept of using a church and them as the congregation? cool right?
Compare that with Iyanya’s Applaudise with the likes of everyone on his record label, Timi Dakolo, Banky W,DJ Jimmy Jatt, Ushbebe, Seyi Law, Sexy Steel, Ik Ogbonna in the wedding scene. Do you now get my point? See the difference?
Also in this category is ex MTN Project Fame alum Olawale whose Jupa Video featured judges and the faculty of the project fame academy celebrities but wait, do you even know the song?
3) The song matters a lot:
Chances are if the song is wack; the video wouldn’t snitch on the song, for what nah. it’s also going to show solidarity by been wack.Shikena.
4) Shooting your video in the abroad *coughs* South Africa.
Ermmmm, no shade o but if Godfather (the video director) likes he should help you tire with your video , a video that is destined by the gods to be terrible, will come out exactly the way the gods have planned (just ask Kcee)whether it’s done over sea, under the sea or in the sea.
5) Ghetto scene/uncompleted building for every reggae/ragga inspired song
Trust me ehn the first video that comes to mind is Runtown ft Wizkid’s benddown pause a very catchy song but the video did not make it for this following reasons

i)it looked extremely cheap as in cheaper than cheap despite been shot “over the sea” pun intended (watch the video to understand). Though his management is swimming in money. Worrapun na?
ii) The uncompleted building, which is really not a bad idea especially when the budget involved isn’t sooo much but this particular video was an error. Its not by force to do the Daddy Showkey or Baba Frayo uncompleted/dilapidated building style all because the song is reggae inspired. He could have as well just done it in his sitting room if money no reach. reggae inspired  videos are not just meant for the roads,ghettos and uncompleted buildings next time try the airport departure terminal.

Recognizing a Wack Song: 10 Phrases to Look Out For

My being a Nigerian youth makes me an authority in identifying wack songs. So I write this article based on the experience I’ve garnered listening to the ‘junk’ which most Nigerian musicians churn out these days in the name of songs.
Here are 10 tips which will aid the average listener in identifying a wack song or ‘non hit wonder.’
1) ‘Girl Shake your asset/ukwu/bum bum/baka/ booty or, the way you they wine’
This phrase is self explanatory. So I’ll just go to the next
2) ‘Before dem they call me monkey’
Dear artiste, you probably look like a monkey, and people are just stating things the way they see it, don’t take it personal, don’t feel slighted and please don’t use it in a song. It’s plain monkeish.
3) ‘The girls now call me honey’
This goes hand in hand with ‘before they call me monkey’. Totally stupid phrase. So predictable also. Has been so overused no one can stand it anymore, please stop. No more abeg.
4) ‘Ibadi ni jo wa
It’s like other parts of the body do not matter to our musicians. They all seem to focus on the butt. One can blame them though; God knew what he was doing when he created that part of the body. But someone needs to ask our artistes to focus on another part of the body. Ask us to dance with our elbows or something…
5) ‘Baby’
We can allow this since it is better than hoes or bitches. Some of us are getting tired of most musicians referring to every girl as ‘baby’ its no longer cool.
6) I can die for you
This is obviously a lie. After Jesus Christ, there is absolutely no human being that can die as a result of the romantic feelings he or she has for someone. This stated, I see no reason why this in should be included in any song.
7) I pop bottles/champagne/Moet/Hennessey e.t.c
There is this clip making the rounds of a wannabe music star shooting a video and one of the models ‘mistakenly’ popped a bottle of champagne that they were showcasing. The star’s reaction was priceless! As in, I’ve never laughed so hard in my life. The so called star immediately went ballistic! Accusing the model of trying to ruin him because apparently, he borrowed the bottles and he was supposed to return them untouched. Alas, some of our musicians are in the class of the star in the story above. If you can’t afford to pop the Hennessey you shamelessly mention in your songs, abeg leave that line out. It’s not by force.
8) I get money/mula/pepper/dollars/pounds
Sigh… Another obvious point. On to the next one.

9) All ma lay lay lay lay lay lay lay ladies
When the first musician used this phrase, it was kinda cool. But when every Tom ,Dick and Harrysongz started infusing it in his or her song, it became un cool. Dear copy copy artiste, find your own phrase and stick with it.
10) Unnecessary rhyming
This is not a phrase per say, but when a musician rhymes likes this:
“My girl uses the best cream
So I had to reward her with ice cream
Then off we went to the stream
Living out our lives like it’s a dream”
What else can you do but judge the musician, the song, his record label and those affiliated with him as wack?
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What other phrases do you think makes a song wack? Let us know in the comments section.

Super excited  one of my favourite bloggers @naijasinglegirl also published my work on her blog http://naijasinglegirl.com/how-to-recognize-a-wack-nigerian-song/IMG_20151218_101706

Why does D’banj’s Confidential sound so Familiar?

xibit

So it isn’t news that D’banj’s career isn’t … hmmm (what’s the phrase because I’m trying very hard to be unbiased) where it should be at. It hasn’t been as smooth sailing as that of Don Jazzy (yea,i had to make that reference). Don Jazzy has made millions,signed endorsements and raised champions while D’banj has changed his name to white fish,cat fish,what fish…… ermmmm Big fish and he also has his proteges and record label which his brother Kswitch is on, no one knows his whereabouts now and the last thing heard from him was his baby mama drama. He also has Tonto Dike on his record label on which she released ‘Sugar rush’ which I will not comment on. There is also 2chris and I remember them from oluwa tipsy’s video anyways I digress.
So D’banj’s musical career isn’t ‘there’ anymore but as a faithful fan I listen to everything he releases only to get more heartbroken until I saw the video of Confidential, ok, that jam is a dream come true if you are a fankolet( hybrid of fan and kokolet,get with the program) anyways I was finally happy that D’banj was finally being D’banj again I went over to youtube and saw the video at least 4more times and for me,thats a lot. So it got me thinking is it the fact that it featured Idris Elba or the shadow boxxer or just the sound and the playfulness Dbanj exhibits? all that just didn’t matter,the song was my jam anyday anytime and in a true ‘FANlly’ manner I declared that everyone I know had to listen to the song and watch the video. I got to work the next day only for me to close my eyes and re-listen to the song and then it hit me. The song sounds exactly like ‘Booty call’ ft Mo hits, why was I so tone deaf earlier. Both songs have the same rhythm now I feel I have been scammed even Idris Elba can’t save it now if he wanted to. *sigh* I’m done.